Even though a sense of humor doesn’t have any nutritional value, it is very important for a healthy vegetarian lifestyle. For vegetarians, cracking a joke or two every now and then is as important as nuts, tofu, leafy greens, and all other plant-based goodies.
While the non-animal foods feed the body, humor is the nourishment for the vegetarian soul. It gives sustenance to the vegetarian spirit and can boost morale, especially in the early days of transitioning from an omnivore diet.
Vegetarian humor takes all kinds of shapes and forms. If you’re looking for something to laugh at with your veggie-eating friends, feel free to pick up a few of the best vegetarian jokes from the following selection.
Good Old Lightbulb Jokes
It seems that light bulbs have been at the core of humor, vegetarian or not, ever since Thomas Edison invented them. The first line of the good old lightbulb joke is all too familiar, but the second line is where the punch comes in.
There are at least three good vegetarian lightbulb jokes:
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Meat-Eaters and the Lightbulb
How many meat-eaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they would rather stay in the dark about things.
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Vegetarians and the Lightbulb
How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don’t know, but where do you get your protein?
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A Joke an Omnivore Probably Created
How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, everybody knows they can’t change anything.
Admittedly, the second lightbulb joke might be a bit lame, but it is interesting to see how creative lightbulb-centric humor can be.
Jokes About Eating People
More than a few of the best vegetarian jokes out there involve eating people. It can be assumed that this kind of humor follows a simple logic. Vegetarians are on a special plant-based diet, so it would be fun to eat them in a few jokes.
There is almost an endless supply of jokes that involve cannibals, vegetarians being eaten, or at least hints that some people like to eat vegans. Take a look at a few of the best ones:
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A Bumper Sticker
Save a cow, eat a vegetarian!
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Restaurant Joke
Do you serve vegetarians here?
Of course, how would you like them cooked?
There is an urban legend regarding this joke. Supposedly, a few witty waiters cracked the joke at their vegetarian customers as they were placing an order.
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Vegetarian Diet
I follow a strict vegetarian diet. I eat only vegetarians.
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Another Bumper Sticker
9 out of 10 cannibals agree - vegetarians taste better!
Food Jokes
Any write-up about the best vegetarian jokes would be incomplete without at least a few jokes built around vegetarian foods. In fact, these jokes might be the most common because, after all, the core of vegetarian humor lies in their dietary routine.
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Beef Jokes
There are two takes on the vegetarian beef joke. Take a look at both of them to find your favorite.
- Take One
If two vegetarians are arguing, is it still called Beef?
- Take Two
An argument between two vegetarians is not called beef.
Just two people with bad tempehs.
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Chickpea Killers
What do you call it when one chickpea murders another?
A hummus-cide.
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Walking Tofu
Why did the tofu cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
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Tough Decisions
I’m trying to go vegetarian, but I still sneak away for an occasional burger.
Sometimes you need a little meat time.
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An Honest Question
Can I tell you a vegan joke? I promise it won’t be cheesy.
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A Dilemma
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Tomato Joke
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
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Talking Veggies
What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Are you stalking me?
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Vegetarian Meetups
What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?
We have to stop meating like this.
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Devil Worshipper
Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to the seitan!
Vegetarian Question Jokes
You are probably quite familiar with the question jokes that start with “what do” or “what is.” Vegetarian humor hasn’t been immune to them either. Many of these jokes can be sleazy or borderline insulting—albeit funny—but we won't feature these kinds of question jokes in this write-up.
Instead, the following vegetarian jokes involve Q&A’s that are designed as a witty take on the vegetarian lifestyle:
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The Milky Name
What do you call a militant vegan?
Lactose intolerant.
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Zombie Joke
What does a vegetarian zombie eat?
GgggrrrRRAAIIiinnnNNnnSss!
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Cher Joke
What does Cher say to a vegetarian?
I Got Tofu babe.
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Post-Punk Band
What do you call a vegetarian post-punk band?
Soy Division.
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Different Language
What is the Native American word for vegetarian?
Poor hunter!
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Milky Joke
What is the best way to keep milk fresh?
Leave it in the cow!
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Cannibals and Vegetables
What does a cannibal do after he eats a vegetable?
He throws away the wheelchair!
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Crackers Preferences
What crackers do vegetarians refuse to eat?
Animal crackers.
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Being Afraid
What do vegetarians fear the most?
Nutritionists with facts.
Vegetarian One-Liners
A good one-liner tends to get stuck in your head and make you laugh every time you remember the joke. Vegetarian humor is full of punchy one-liners that can appear on bulletin boards, bumper stickers, Twitter, and any other place online or offline. Most of these jokes are anti-vegetarian, but they are fun nevertheless.
Here is a selection of some of the funniest vegetarian one-liners out there:
- I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
- Vegetarian is derived from the Hindu word for bad hunter.
- Being a vegetarian between meals is like being a pacifist between wars.
- Dear vegetarians, I season my meat with your food.
- We didn’t fight to the top of the food chain to be vegetarian!
- Become a vegetarian when animals stop tasting so good.
The Final Pun
Hopefully, some of the best vegetarian jokes included in this write-up have stuck in your head. You should remember that a good sense of humor is crucial for being a happy and healthy vegan. Also, sometimes joking at your own expense can be just the tonic you need to keep going. It is thus handy to remember a few of these jokes, because your friends will start throwing their own at you as soon as they realize you are vegetarian.
Raul says
Awesome jokes LOL!
Peter says
My contribution:
What did the Jewish mother say when her son told her he no longer ate meat?
Oy Vegan !!
Eleanor says
Thanks for these meaty vegetarian jokes. For years I've been writing and giving talks on the science and reasons we all need to eat less meat. And my presentations need some humour. Thank you, thank you. I'll see whether any of these ideas can be incorporated naturally into my stories.