These are dark times, my friends. In case you’re a new reader of my blog, let me explain two things:
1. I work from home.
2. I watch Beverly Hills, 90210 on SoapNet every morning while working.
Season 6 of 90210 just ended. Season 6 is quite possibly (no, definitely) my favorite season of the show. There’s Ray Pruit with one T because that’s all his mama could afford! And Kelly’s cocaine addiction. You totally knew she was addicted because she stopped wearing shapeless flowery dresses and started wearing flannel shirts(!). As drug addicts do. Oh, and before the drug addiction, there was the cult with their negators and new evolutions and such. These were really the last days when Kelly was actually interesting, weren’t they? Also during this season is the Best Episode Ever, Strike the Match. This is the one where Donna and David are suddenly music video producers. Totally makes sense! When I was in college, things like that happened all the time. In fact, I took a short hiatus from my studies at the University of Wisconsin to write commercial jingles. Anyway! In Strike the Match, Donna and David are making a music video for Powerman 5000 (remember the 90s?!) and the dancer doesn’t show up and everyone’s all, “Hey Donna, you are super gorgeous and hot and you like showing off your midriff, so can you put on these leather hot pants and gyrate around and hold a match and we’ll film you?”
Season 7 also brings us Joanie and Nat’s wedding. This is both boring (why is so much time being spent on tertiary characters?) and weird. As I’ve mentioned in the past, the Joanie being pregnant storyline is one of the most incomprehensible on this show. Joanie has to be almost 60. And then, of course, she goes into labor during the wedding. It’s supposed to be a dramatic moment, but anytime I watch the episode, I burst out laughing during the scene because JOANIE IS 60. Also, I could do with out the B story involving Joanie’s “hot” stripper daughter going after Brandon. Not hot.
This season is also the worst because it introduces Tracey, aka Susan 2.booooring. She’s like ice milk. The color beige. A bouquet of artificially colored carnations you buy at the gas station. Oh, and David is a jerk. And Claire has awful hair. We also have to suffer through several episodes of Kelly volunteering at the AIDS hospice and bonding with the brother who’s not Joey Lawrence from Blossom. Seriously, brother who’s not Joey Lawrence needs to take it down about 10 notches. And then Kelly is all, “I can’t believe there’s a disease that kills lovers!” which is certainly one of the worst lines to be uttered on this show.
The only good thing about this season is when Donna single-handedly saves herself and the other hostages at the TV station by grossly making out with her stalker. So remember, ladies, if your stalker has taken you and your co-workers hostage, tell him you love him and kiss him with tongue. It’s the only way!
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